- CHARITY BENEFIT
You would think by seeing that face full of love and hearing “Surgery Wednesday,” I’d be happy. Wrong! I was furious. There was no explanation, no trips to a blessed waterfall (you need permission), it was cruel that this line was called last and that it took until 6pm. 11am-6pm is 7 hours and that is how long I waited to find out why and why no. The whole thing was making no sense. I didn’t want to deal with these feelings; they were raw, hurtful and painful.
Immanuel explained some of his story and that it was all good that I was allowing myself to feel, but it didn’t seem that way. I was drained, wanted to be alone and rebel. Then the Brazilian rain came and it helped a little. I bought some candy at the little store and headed back. I went downstairs to get food to bring up to my room. I had a plan – watch movies on my computer, completely veg out and forget. This was the opposite of what Immanuel said. He thought I should become more in touch with my feelings but that was a definite NO! I thought of stopping the vegetarian diet that I had started but realized I like it, so I did pass on the meat and chicken dishes. Bringing food up to my room, I found the Green Hornet movie and started to download. I ate my food, the candy and by 7pm passed out. Never had a chance to even see the film.
Dreams, dreams and dreams invade my sleep. I awoke around 5am to go to the bathroom and saw an angel watching over me. I started thinking I was losing it, but she was still there when I got back from the bathroom. Went back to sleep until 7am. My dreams told me things and I finally realized I had not been abandoned. I had simply not been strong enough mentally. Whether people want to believe it or not, physical illness has much to do with what is going on emotionally/mentally. All of my issues can be traced back to a mental block, except my hip. I believe in past lives and that this is where childhood illnesses enter. If this comes from a past life karma, I don’t know. For me it may be something else. At this point, I have no answers. The remainder relates to emotions, which I do not readily express. I stuff them in and bury them. Not the healthiest method.
My dreams cleared up a lot of things. I am grateful I didn’t have to do much but sleep. For the first time, that was easy here. I awoke ready to write, ready to heal in whatever way would be prescribed and have no expectations. This is a new philosophy for me. The time until Wednesday should be interesting as all I can do is rest, do crystal beds, walk around the town and stay within me. John of God is only in session Wednesday – Friday and so the waiting begins.
Next up: ?